Today, June 23, is International Widows Day and we are honoring those surviving from loss. The “Surviving From Loss” honors and recognizes those who are left behind by the passing of a spouse. When you married, you did not plan to become a widow, nor would you have dreamed of such a time as this. Here are a couple of thoughts for your consideration.
It’s a “Catch 22,” you have always put your spouse and everyone else first. To survive, you must put yourself first. I know this is a foreign concept to most widows because, as a woman, you have always served others, and if there was any time left, you served yourself.
Widows have specific needs. Some widows have enough financial resources to be self-sufficient, yet statistics state that most women are living in poverty for the first time.
Both categories of widows are in danger. Anytime anyone loses a life partner, they discover part of them is missing. Your next step seems risky because those are lurking to take advantage of raw feelings and emotions. Widows are just looking to grab something to stop the world from spinning.
Be very careful where you get your advice. There are plenty of people who show up to give you advice. Find those willing to listen to your needs and who will listen to you without offering advice. Do not be hasty to take any actions the law does not require. Only make big decisions after obtaining solid counsel. Such counsel should be from an uninterested, “nothing to gain” party such as a lawyer. This legal counsel should be one you select and not one coming soliciting your business.
A minister, best friend, or maybe even a family member are suitable for sounding boards. Remember, their interests are different than yours. They most likely have never walked in your shoes yet think they know best. The responsibility of you being the final decision maker is in your best interest. Surviving From Loss is a great place to bounce ideas off other widows who understand how you feel; it gives you a place to express your emotions and share with other widows.
International Widows Day was founded in 1954. For thousands of years, widows (now estimated at 258 million) have made this journey successfully and survived and so will you. Every day you may feel all alone, but remember that you are not alone. Millions of other women find themselves facing life without their partner.
When your spouse died, you felt devastated, alone, maybe abandoned, and without hope. Such emotions are genuine, yet the truth is you are strong, resilient, and brave. Part of you has been hidden most of your life and will surface because of your situation.
Just like the mother who is friendly, quiet, and maybe even shy becomes a lion when defending her children. Your inner self steps up to protect, support, and provide for yourself when there is no one else to help. You become a warrior. Not mean or violent, but a “Surviving Spouse. ” You take charge of your own life. Today, during your grief, take time to celebrate this new you. No matter where you live, you are unique, beautiful, a warrior, and a survivor. We honor you today.
Charles Foster